Mommie Dearest

As a career bonne vivante, I have a closet of proverbial hats that I wear. Some are general (cook, writer, lover), while some are oddly specific (Madame de Sade, Deadpool, forest sex party facilitator).

A title I’m just now beginning to don, now that I’m no longer in my 20’s, is Mommy. 

“Mommy” doesn’t get the glamor & publicity that “Daddy” does. Civilians have adopted Daddy wholeheartedly—everybody from Tony the Tiger to Elon Musk has received the label. You can buy Daddy swag at the mall & find it easily online. It’s hard to swing a dead cat without hitting a Daddy/Zaddy these days. But where do we find a Mommy?

I love to play with gender roles; while I acknowledge they exist in the collective cultural consciousness & lots of people are very attached to them, I don’t take them that seriously. My sexual awakening was wallpapered in Tom of Finland & Instigator Magazine. I was spending a lot of time with gay men, & while they are great tastemakers, their resources for sex that didn’t involve other men was, well, lacking. As a little blonde thing, I enjoyed people submitting to me, & me giving them the specific attention they deserved—As a Daddy, I’m funny, brash, firm, & rarely slow with a spanking.

But what am I like as a Mommy? What would I want in one? Who would I model myself after? Making all shapes of femme friends helped give me a more well rounded view of both play & gender. Mommies can still wear leather pants*. Perhaps we think of a Mommy as more patient, more doting, as not-mad-just-disappointed. I personally like to be all sweetness in my authority, firm & kind at the same time.

Like every other role I play, it comes down to confidence & authenticity. Knowing thyself, as it were.

I’m still new in my fantasizing of what makes me a Mommy. Could you come help me explore?