On Squirting, a vignette by Margeaux Hext
This piece is featured in ELust March ‘24 edition—link at the bottom.
It’s about 10:56 am on a brisk Saturday in December. I’m here to chat with you about squirting. Gushing, “female” ejaculate, coming buckets, platinum shower—these are but a few names for the great mystery we will unfold together.
I can safely say I’m a scholar of squirting, for at least two reasons. One: I do it, often & abundantly. Two: Much like alchemy, or disappearing socks in the dryer, modern biology has not felt the same burning desire that I feel to figure out what, exactly, causes this miracle. I & others like me are rogue researchers, like Jeff Goldblum in Jurassic Park; buttons opened well past the sternum, dark sunglasses indoors, & with a penchant for posing prone with one knee cocked skyward.
So, how does it work? The short answer: A grunt & a shrug from the scientific community.
Longer answer: A fluid not unlike semen builds up in the bladder of the squirter, & is ejaculated via the skeins glands. It’s not urine, although there are trace amounts in both semen & squirt. The misapprehension that squirt = pee has led to a lot of shenanigans around censorship in porn. I could opine at length about why that is, but alas, a blog post for another day.
How does one do it? Some will tell you to stimulate your G spot. Personally, I find a Hitachi & a finger or two to do the trick.
If you’re looking for tips on helping a partner squirt, it’s deceptively easy. Ask them, & then (this is the important part) do what they tell you to do. For me, my G spot is uninvolved with my squirting. Playing with my tits, however, will make it happen nigh instantly.
If you’re looking for tips to squirt yourself, I can make a few suggestions! The pursuit of gushing is sort of a Buddhist meditation—you must stop actively pursuing it to achieve it. Put an orgasm out of your mind. Get your favorite toys in your favorite place & focus only on pleasure. Extend your arousal as far as you can. Put on your best boner jams, be they whale noises or Nine Inch Nails. It may be that your body doesn’t feel like squirting. Either way, you’ll have had a long, satisfying masturbation sesh & invested some time into getting to know yourself a little better.
Frankly, I think everyone should be treating themselves to a regular 45-minute jerk. Time spent on knowing thyself is never wasted, & not all of us have the time to Eat, Pray, Love our way across Eurasia seeking enlightenment. Plumbing the uncharted territory of your own dark & velvety depths is part of a lifelong relationship you build with your body.
